Hold On
by finnicklover123
Summary: "'If you'd been taken by the Capital, hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you' demands Haymitch. I fall silent. It isn't. It isn't how he would be treating me at all. He would be trying to get me back at any cost." What if the roles were reversed? How would Peeta react and how would he get the love of his life to come back to him?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So my last story about Katniss and Peeta got a lot of reviews and I decided that's the pair I am best at writing so I am going to start another story about them. This will go from the end of Catching Fire through Mockingjay. In this story, the roles are reversed and Katniss was the one captured by the Capital when the arena exploded. I am going to start it in Katniss's POV but might add Peeta in there too so that we know what's going on in District 13. Anyway, tell me what you think! Any reviews will get a response at the end of the next chapter so if you have questions, comments, criticism, ideas, leave it in a review please! Hope you enjoy the first chapter!**

* * *

_Remember who the enemy is._

_I __finally put the pieces together. The enemy is not the other tributes. The enemy is the force that everyone in Panem has been trying to rebel against for months. The force that has deprived us of food for 75 years, that has pitted our districts against each other, that has sent hundreds of innocent kids to their deaths._

_The enemy is the Capital. _

_That is who I need to take down. _

_I quickly coil the shimmering thread around an arrow, knowing that I don't have much time. It takes me a minute to locate a chink in the force field but when I do, I aim my arrow directly at it. I look up at the darkening sky, watching the clouds swirl around the lightning tree. The bolt is getting ready to strike, but I am ready. When it does, I let the arrow fly._

_I feel the explosion blow me backwards and I land on my back on the ground. I can't hear anything and I can't move. I am paralyzed. Then I see the hovercraft approaching. There's nothing I can do so I just lay there, watching the metal claw descend through the scorching trees and smoke until it closes gently around my body._

_As I am lifted up, I slowly lose consciousness..._

* * *

I wake with a start, strapped to a hospital bed. For a moment I am relieved that I am safe. But then I start to panic. What happened in that arena after I blew up the force field? What did I do to the other tributes? But the most important question is this: Where is Peeta?

If he died in that arena, then my whole plan will be for nothing. The goal was to get him out and I can only hope that Haymitch kept his word and succeeded in keeping Peeta alive. But I won't know until someone comes into my room.

I don't know where I got the notion that I was safe here but it completely evaporates when President Snow walks through the door.

"Hello Miss Everdeen." he says coolly.

Fear shoots through my body and all I can think about is who else he might have captured, who else might be dead now because I had to let that arrow go.

"I have to admit, your little trick with that arrow took us completely by surprise. It was a well devised plan."

"Who else do you have?" I ask him, trying to hide the fear from peeking in through my voice.

He chuckles, "Now if I told you that, you would know who you needed to protect. And we can't let you do any more damage."

I should have known he wasn't going to tell me about Peeta. He is too sadistic to ever give me that satisfaction. "Protect?" I ask, a little puzzled.

"You know what I'm talking about Miss Everdeen. I know you tributes had your own plan against us. I just didn't expect it to work out so well. And I intend to put a stop to it by any means necessary." he says, his polite tone, slowly growing angrier.

I give him a confused look. If this was something the other tributes had worked out, they had certainly left me out of it. I have a feeling that President Snow won't be too pleased to hear this so I play dumb.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say.

"I don't believe you. But don't worry, we have ways of making you talk. You and your fellow tributes." he says with a sly grin before standing up and leaving the room.

The thought sends a shiver up my spine. I don't even want to think about the methods of torture I am sure he is going to employ. I think about what he said about the other tributes having a plan. I know that I wasn't a part of any plan but then I think of Beetee who was passed out with that thread wrapped around his knife. He was trying to do the same thing I ended up doing. Maybe that wasn't something he though of in the moment, maybe that was planned all along. I remember Finnick making sure that Peeta was always safe in the arena and slowly start to grow suspicious that there was something going on that I wasn't a part of. That thought makes me angry but also a little scared for the others. If Snow has them in his grasp and they actually have rebel information, who knows what he will do to get it out of them.

I feel tears start to prickle my eyes as I imagine Peeta being tortured for information I'm sure he doesn't have. I quickly wipe them away and try to calm myself down. This is what Snow wants. I can't think about Peeta until I know for sure that President Snow doesn't have him. I don't know where else he would be but if the rebels had a plan to get out of the arena then they must have had a plan of where to go after. I can only hope that's where Peeta is. It's slim, but I have to hold onto it.

Eventually someone comes to get me from my hospital bed. I am handcuffed and led to a small cell. It is made entirely of concrete and is completely bare except for a cot in the corner of the room. There are no windows. The guard takes off my handcuffs and leaves, shutting the door behind him, leaving me alone. I can feel the tears coming back but I choke them down. I'm sure they are monitoring me in here and I am not going to look weak.

I pace the room nervously for what feels like hours, sure that someone is going to come get me to interrogate me, or worse. But no one comes. Eventually I just lay down on the cot. I am terrified of closing my eyes. I don't want to face the nightmares. Soon though, my eyes start to droop and I fall asleep.

* * *

I am awoken roughly by a guard who puts the handcuffs back on my wrists and leads me down a long hallway into another small room. This time it is furnished with a chair that the guard immediately straps me into, and a television screen. President Snow is standing in the corner of the room waiting for me.

"What is this?" I ask him coldly.

"Just a little video I though you should see." he says cheerfully.

I turn my attention back to the screen and watch, wary of what I might see. The video is being recorded from a hovercraft.

A hovercraft flying over District 12.

I start to panic. They are filming the ground now and just as they do, I see a bomb explode on the ground. I can almost feel my heart stop. This can't be happening. The bomb goes up in flames on the ground but more are falling. I see people trying to make it out of their houses but shut my eyes when the bombs fall so that I don't have to see the people being blown to bits. I feel tears pooling in my eyes and this time I let them fall. Even when I think there is nothing left to destroy, the bombs keep falling. They are trying to wipe out as many people as possible. Finally, the bombs stop, and the hovercraft goes, leaving nothing but smoke and ash in its place.

The entire District is completely obliterated

I feel tears streaming down my face as I turn on Snow, "You're a monster." I say coldly to him.

He shakes his head, "You are the one who caused this Miss Everdeen. Over 90% of your district's population is dead. Those who remain are most likely starving. Now you see the consequences of your actions."

My stomach drops as I think of my family. My mother, Prim, Gale, Madge, even Peeta's family, all run through my head. And all of them are most likely dead. I am silent and Snow smiles triumphantly.

"How could you murder all those innocent people?" I yell at him, "If you hadn't run these districts into the ground there wouldn't be a cause for rebellion."

"Careful." Snow says, the grin fading off your face, "You wouldn't want your actions to affect the others, namely a certain lover?"

"He doesn't know anything. Don't you dare touch him you bastard or I swear-" I start.

"What?" Snow asks, "What could you possibly do? Remember, I am the one in control."

I am silent at that. The guard comes in and takes me back to my cell where I curl up on the cot and start to sob.

I have nothing. My home is destroyed everyone I love is either dead or will be soon. And worst of all, Snow is right. It's all my fault. If I had just acted like I was supposed to then none of this would have happened. My district would have been poor and starving but at least most of us would have been alive. At least I wouldn't have this uncertainty hanging over my head about what is going on outside of my cell. I need to know if Peeta is safe or not. I need to know what this plan was. And most importantly, I can't let Snow break me. I am certain that's what he is trying to do and it's working. But I have to hold myself together.

I will not let him win.

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**Alright, that's it for chapter 1. Next chapter I think will be in Peeta's POV. So please review and tell me what you think, I would really appreciate it! New chapter should be up in the next couple of days. Hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! So I had a bunch of people favorite and follow this story yesterday and I got two reviews which I really appreciate. Responses to these reviews will be at the end of the chapter :) This one will start in Peeta's POV and then switch to Katniss's. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games (forgot to put this in the last chapter)**

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**Peeta POV**

I wake up laying on a makeshift bed on metal ground. I try to sit up and wince when I feel the tubes that are in my arm. I grit my teeth and rip them out so that I can stand up. I see Beetee on the ground too with about a dozen machines hooked up to him through different wires. I hear voices and walk to the door, trying to make out who is talking on the other side. I jump back suddenly as the door slides open and reveals Haymitch, Plutarch, and Finnick.

"You're up." Plutarch says shortly.

"Haymitch?" I ask, "What's going on? Where are we?" Then a sickening thought goes through my head, "Where is Katniss." I ask slowly.

I know that Brutus and Chaff are both dead. Beetee and Finnick are here so that only leaves Johanna and Katniss missing.

Haymitch hesitates so I ask him again, "Haymitch...where is she?"

He sighs, "Peeta, let me explain what's going on first-"

"No." I cut him off, "Tell me where she is." I shout it that time. I can feel my heart racing as I start to panic.

Haymitch holds up a hand, "It will make more sense if you would let me talk for a minute first." I don't say anything and he continues, "There was a plan to get you out of the arena. This plan has been in place for months. We spread the information out so that if anyone got caught, no one would know the whole plan. Beetee was in charge of blowing up the force field around the arena so that our hovercrafts could get in to get whoever was left out. Right now we are heading to District 13 which is still fully functioning underground."

"District 13?" I say, "So Katniss was right, it did still exist. And you knew about it, yet you acted like she was crazy for bringing it up."

"I never expected her to figure it out before we got her there." he says quickly trying to defend himself.

"So that's where she is then?" I ask desperately.

Haymitch shakes his head. His next words are spoken slowly and calmly, as if he was talking to a wounded animal, "We didn't get there in time...The Capital got there first."

I shake my head, "No, they couldn't have. Katniss the their Mockingjay! She should have been top priority!" I am yelling at him now but I don't care. All I can think about is how much danger she must be in right now.

Haymitch nods, "She was originally. But Preisdent Coin had an ulterior motive. She thinks you would be of more use to her then Katniss."

"So she left her in there!" I shout at him.

"Peeta-" Haymitch starts.

"Go get her." I say, my voice suddenly quiet, "I thought we had a deal. Save her."

He nods and I can see his eyes turn glassy as he says, "I thought we did too Peeta. I'm sorry."

I say nothing. All I can hear is my heart beating in my chest. I am so angry with him, with this President Coin, with everyone in the Capital. But above all that, I am terrified. This is what Snow wanted more than anything. The chance to control Katniss Everdeen, the symbol of the rebellion. I know he won't hesitate to kill her if she does anything wrong. The thought makes me sick to my stomach and suddenly I feel dizzy. I feel a needle in my back and everything goes dark again.

* * *

I swim back into consciousness again in a hospital bed. We are no longer on the hovercraft so I assume I am now in District 13. I stand up and pull the curtain back next to me to reveal Finnick. He is also awake and tears are streaming silently down his face.

"Finnick?" I ask carefully.

"How did the plan go so wrong Peeta?" he asks me softly, "I would have saved her if I knew what Coin was planning. I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?" I ask. Clearly he isn't this upset over Katniss. There must be someone else. Johanna maybe?

"They took Annie, Peeta." he says, his voice now trembling a little again, "She doesn't know anything about this."

"He's probably just trying to scare you." I say, trying to comfort him a little. I sit down on the edge of his bed, "I'm sure they know she doesn't know anything."

Finnick shakes his head, "They didn't take her because they thought they could get something out of her. They took her because they wanted to hurt me. They just couldn't get to me fast enough so they took it out on her."

We are both silent for a few minutes before I say, "I wish it was me in there. I would do anything to trade places with her."

"I know you would." Finnick says, "She loves you, you know." I don't say anything. "She does. I don't know in what way but I could tell in the arena how much she cares about you."

"I'm scared for her Finnick." I say quietly, "I'm scared I'm never going to see her again."

He just nods. We sit there for a few minutes before I stand and go back to my bed, hooking up the drip to my arm again. Is Snow trying to do the same thing with Katniss that he is doing with Annie? Because according to Haymitch, Katniss didn't know anything about this plan either. Maybe that will keep her alive a little longer. I know it's a cruel wish, that I'd rather have Snow manipulate her than just kill her and put her out of her misery. I can't help but wish for it anyway though. It's selfish, that's what it is. But I can't stand the thought of her being gone. Maybe Finnick is right and she did love me but even if she doesn't, it doesn't change the way I feel about her. And now I might never see her again.

I feel a cold liquid seep into my arm and I am knocked out once again.

* * *

**I know that chapter was really short but I don't plan on having this story in Peeta's POV. the point of this was just to explain what was going on and to set up how Peeta felt about it. I hope you guys liked it anyway though. Next chapter will be up this weekend. Please review!**

**Here are review responses from last chapter:**

**Tacolover3000: Thanks! Glad to see you are enjoying another one of my stories! You have been such a big support on my other stories that I hope you like this one and continue to review :)**

**Fake Shark Real Zombie: Good! Glad you liked the first chapter. Hope you continue reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I know I said this chapter was going to be up by Sunday, but I've been cramming in the rest of my summer reading work before school starts so I haven't had time. I'm happy that I've gotten a few review per chapter but I want more. Can we get to three this time? Hope you like the chapter!**

* * *

"I'm going to ask you one more time Ms. Everdeen." Snow says, glaring at me with cold eyes, "Who knew about the rebellion going into the arena?"

I say nothing, I just stare straight ahead at him. I've been here for hours in front of him and during that time I have not said a single word. I don't know anything but I know he won't believe that, so my best bet is just to keep quiet. The routine goes like this every day. The guards drag me into this interrogation room, strap me to a chair where Snow questions me for hours. When he is finally done, I am escorted back to my cell where I have nothing to do but wait for the next session. I know it's only a matter of time before Snow gets fed up with my silence and starts using new methods to get me to talk. He still hasn't revealed to me who else he is holding captive and, as a result, I wake screaming every night from dreams about him torturing them all.

I can see Snow getting angrier with me, "Ms. Everdeen, this is your last chance. This time there will be consequences if you do not talk."

I say nothing.

He stands and walks out of the room leaving the guards to drag me back to my cell. I am worried as to what his consequences are. I feel stuck. If I talk, I put anyone involved in this rebellion at risk but if I stay silent, Snow might torture them anyway, or me. Honestly, that's what I would prefer. If anyone is going to be hurt as a result of my actions, then it should be me. I have a feeling Snow knows I feel that way though. If he is trying to break me, the best way to go would be to hurt those I care about. I wonder if he has figured that out yet?

* * *

It's been days since my last interrogation. He must be planning something because there's no way he would give up on me yet. He still thinks I have information. All I do is pace around my cell and think. I go through the events in the arena over and over, trying to figure out who he might have but I can't do it. For all I know he could have us all.

Suddenly, the Peacekeepers come into my cell and takes me into a different room that looks strangely familiar. I realize with a sickening feeling that it's my old prep room. This was where I was after the first games when my team was preparing me for the interviews. Why am I here now though? Am I making an appearance? A new prep team comes in to try to erase the bags under my eyes and get some color into my cheeks. They also give me a loose white dress. I think they are trying to conceal the weight I've lost, but to no avail. I could still count my ribs in the mirror.

I am left in the room to wait until President Snow steps in again.

"What is this?" I ask him immediately, "What am I being interviewed for?"

"You aren't being interviewed." he replies, "You will be given a speech that you are to memorize and recite on live television."

"A speech?" I ask, "About what?"

"You will be telling the districts that they cannot win against the Capital and that a cease-fire is the only way out." he says shortly.

I chuckle a little, "But they do have a chance, don't they. That's why you're so scared of them, otherwise you wouldn't be making me do this. You know they outnumber you, you know they can do this. And I have news for you, no speech you make me recite is going to change their minds. It's too late-"

"Enough!" Snow's voice booms out, making me jump. I've rarely seen him lose hold of his cool exterior. "You will recite this speech exactly as it is written. It is now your job to change the districts mind. Any objections to this will carry severe consequences."

He sets the paper with the speech on it on the table and leaves the room.

I pick it up and glance over it. Again, it's Peeta that makes me decide to go through with the speech. I can't risk him being hurt. So until I know he is safe, I have to do as Snow says.

I am led to a backstage area where I see Caesar Flickerman onstage giving updates on what is going on in the districts. From what I hear, they are doing pretty well. Apparently my district isn't the only one they've bombed though.

"And now we have a surprise for all of you out there. Your Mockingjay is here with a special message for you." Caesar says with a solemn face. He holds out his hand to welcome me onstage. I feel sick to my stomach but I go onstage, the piece of paper Snow gave me still clutched in my fist.

"Katniss," Caesar asks, "Do you have any thought on the current rebellion sweeping through the districts?"

I nod, and start to force the words out of my dry mouth, "Yes Caesar. I think that before all of you out there in the districts go through with this rebellion, you need to think about what it will mean for all of us. The Capital outnumbers you, so many will die if we go to war. Is it really worth losing all those lives to overthrow a system that has been working diligently for 75 years? If we don't all lay down our weapons, we will drive our own race to extinction."

"So you are calling for a cease-fire?" Caesar asks me, looking slightly confused.

I nod, "I think that would be best for everyone." I say.

Caesar wraps up the program and as he does I catch Snow's eye in the audience. He nods and gives me a cold smile. Apparently I've done well. At least well enough to avoid any punishments he may have had in mind.

The next day I am called back into the interrogation room. Something is different though. There is a TV screen in there again, which scares me. He's already convinced me that most of my family and friends are dead, what else is he going to do?

"I thought we watch another video today to try to jog your memory." Snow says cheerfully once I am again strapped into my chair.

The screen lights up and I see Peacekeepers dragging someone into a room that I've never seen before. Then everything starts to come into focus as I see the gallows in the center of the room. They are about to execute someone. The guards throw the man onto the floor and that's when I see who it is.

Cinna.

"No!" I yell, "You can't do this. None of this is his fault!"

"We won't have to if you just answer the questions." Snow says calmly.

Tears are streaming down my face now, "I don't know anything. I promise. Please don't do this." I say quietly.

"Very well." Snow says as he turns his attention back to the screen.

I can barely watch through the thick tears but I do. And as I watch, my stylist and friend is executed.

"We have more Miss Everdeen." Snow says.

"Why are you doing this. Why don't you just torture me. He didn't cause any of this, my district didn't cause any of this. I did. Punish me." I say.

"We will get there eventually, but for now I think these videos are serving their purpose." he says.

* * *

A couple of days later I am led back into a room with President Snow.

"I think that the time has come for more drastic measures. Clearly you aren't willing to talk anytime soon so I think it's time to tell you a little but about what has been going on."

I don't say anything. Maybe he is going to tell me who he is holding captive.

"The rebels are in District 13, which still exists underground. These rebels include some of you so-called friends. Finnick Odair for example was one of the people behind what happened in the arena. So was your mentor."

I shake my head, "Haymitch would have told me. He couldn't have been a part of this."

"Open you eyes Miss Everdeen. You put your trust in people that weren't trustworthy. They left you in the arena even though you were the one to blow it up."

"They didn't do that on purpose." I say quickly.

"Really?" Snow asks, "Then why are Beetee and Finnick safe in 13 while you are here?"

"They were rescued?" I ask in disbelief. I was so close to Beetee when the arena blew up, how could they have rescued him but didn't have time for me?

"You aren't as important to this rebellion as you thought Miss Everdeen. Not only did they leave you, they moved on to rescue someone else."

"Who?" I ask carefully.

"Peeta Mellark." Snow says.

I let out a sigh of relief but then I start to grow suspicious. On the one hand I am thankful that Peeta is safe and not in the hands of the Capital. On the other hand, District 13 seemed to rescue only those who knew something about the rebellion. Was Peeta included in that group?

Snow seems to sense my uneasiness about all of this and begins talking again, "Once again Miss Everdeen, you have put your trust in the wrong person. Not only is Peeta safe, he is now helping the rebels in District 13 shoot propaganda spots to egg on rebellion. It seems he knew about this rebellion a lot longer than you thought." he pauses for a minute and when I remain silent he says, "Now with that thought in mind, I want you to watch something.

He directs my attention to the TV screens and footage starts playing from the first games. I look at Snow in confusion but he just tells me to watch so I turn back to the screen. As I do, I feel a guard injecting something into my arm.

Suddenly I am on edge. I am startled by everything that happens on the screen and I feel a suspicion growing inside me that I can't shake. We get to a point in the first night when Peeta goes back to kill the girl from District 8. I thought I remembered from watching it the first time that he did it quickly but watching it now, he seems to take more joy in doing it then i had originally thought. He draws it out longer and takes greater pleasure when his blade finally sinks into her chest. I shake my head trying to clear it but I can't. Suddenly the footage is cut off.

The suspicion doesn't fade though. Instead, it only grows stronger. I feel a little bit dizzy as I try to comprehend what i just watched, "What did you do to me?" I asked Snow.

"Nothing. We just helped you see him for what he really is." Snow says with a smile.

My head is spinning. I bend over and vomit all over the floor but the dizziness still won't fade. The guards lead me shakily back to my cell where I collapse onto my cot.

Was that footage real? Did Peeta really do that to that little girl. I shake my head. No, it must have been the stuff they injected into me. Peeta wouldn't do that. But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, my brain is replaying the footage over and over in my head. And every time it just gets worse, Peeta gets more violent. I can't make it stop.

What is happening to me?

* * *

**Alright so that's it for this chapter. I'm sure you can gather what Snow is starting to do to her. I always figured that it would start more slow and he would gradually build it up to make her thought worse and worse. this is just the beginning. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks but I really appreciate the reviews. We got 2 the first chapter and 3 the second. Can we go for 4 this time?**

**Here are review responses from last time:**

**Tacolover3000: Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review all my stories. Glad you are enjoying it :)**

**Guest: Thanks! Hope you like the update!**

**spectrum700: Thank you! I love longer reviews and yours actually inspired to me to sit down and write this chapter because for a few weeks I was just too busy to do it. So glad you are enjoying the story and I hope you like this chapter just as much! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! So last time I updated it had been a while so I understand why I didn't get as many reviews. The most I've gotten for one chapter is 3 so can we make it 4 this time? Enjoy and have a great Labor Day!**

* * *

I think that what they injected into me is finally starting to wear off. The nausea is fading and, while the headache persists, it no longer sends the room spinning every time I stand up. What is not fading though, is the memory. In fact, it gets clearer with every passing minute. The more I think about it, the more I feel like that is actually what I watched all along, even during the replay of the Games a year ago. It unsettles me. I can't imagine Peeta doing something like that. Finnick even said during the games that he might be the only Victor that won the Games by chance. But what I think of him and what I know other people think of him doesn't match up with what I saw on that screen.

Before I can fully decipher what I saw, the guards are dragging me back into that same room with the television screen. It makes me start to panic. I don't want those feelings to start again. I don't want to see Peeta do that again. I am strapped once again into the chair. I twist around and see Snow sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, a small smile on his face.

"What did you do to me yesterday?" I ask him.

"We didn't do that to hurt you Miss Everdeen." He replies cooly, "We did that to help you. We want you to see things the way we do. We want you to know who you can trust."

"I can trust Peeta." I say firmly.

He chuckles a little bit, "We'll see if you still feel that way after these sessions."

He turns the Tv on and I am forced to hold still as they inject me again. The effects are instantaneous. I am immediately set on edge, terrified of what I might see. Again, they show footage from the first Games. This time it's Peeta hunting with the Careers. No, not just hunting, they are hunting for me. I hear Cato talking about me. He is asking Peeta where I might have gone. I thought I remembered Peeta lying to them, telling them I had gone the opposite direction.

But instead he says to them, _"I saw her traps over there. We need to go this way."_

_"Are you sure they are hers?" Cato asks._

_Peeta nods, "i saw her practicing them in training. I'm sure."_

_"You better be right about this Lover Boy." Cato replies fiercely._

_"I am." Peeta says._

I see him flash them a smirk. But it's not the playful one I'm familiar with. It's harsher, more cunning, exactly like the other Careers. I'm struggling with this because their conversation is familiar. I know that's what they said but I thought Peeta was lying to protect me, to lead them away from me. But maybe I had it backwards. Maybe he really was trying to lead them to me and I was lucky enough to hear them and go the other way. I shake my head trying to clear it. Where is this coming from? He would never do that. But thick shadows of doubt creep into my mind. Things are starting to add up. I think Peeta might not have really been who I thought he was.

I thought the tapes were over for today but Snow presses play again, I am injected, and the cycle starts over.

* * *

I stumble back to my room later that day in a horrible state. I feel sick. They injected me at least three times, maybe more but I started to lose track. He played more tapes from the first Games, each one portraying Peeta as more and more vicious, more and more heartless. I can't tell what was real and what wasn't. I hate this feeling. I hate being so unsure of myself. My prior thoughts towards Peeta are severely conflicting with what Snow showed me today. It would be easier if I thought he was changing these tapes, making them up, trying to trick me. But I remember every conversation that took place, it's just that I'm seeing with a new light or a new perspective. Knowing that the rebels rescued him and not me certainly doesn't help.

I know I'm being selfish. Honestly I can see why they would rescue him first. His persuasive way of speaking is a skill that I could never accomplish, and it's so strong that I could see him leading this rebellion with just his words. Maybe this President Coin thought I would be better as a martyr? But it's still nagging at me that they managed to save Beetee and left me for dead in the arena. I was just yards from him when I blew the arena up, wouldn't they have had time to get me too?

I run the memories over and over in my head until I eventually fall asleep

* * *

Snow calls me back into the room with him the next day. He says he wants to hear my thought on the rebels now that I've seen the videos. He must know that I would never tell him how I really feel. I may be having second thoughts about Peeta but that doesn't mean I trust him, and by extension the Capital, any more.

So I try to lie, "Nothing's changed." but I hear my own voice falter at the end. As hard as I try to bring up the memories I had of the first Games, the convince myself Peeta didn't really act like that, all I can find is what I saw on the tapes.

Snow smiles a little, "You sound unsure of yourself."

I shake my head and swallow hard, "You've been lying to me since I won the Games. Why should I believe anything you sure me now?" I try to sound confident but the unsteadiness still creeps into my voice.

"Ah but you do believe it, don't you Miss Everdeen?" Snow says, "Your feelings towards him have blinded you. We just helped you see who he really is." I say nothing so he keeps talking, "Maybe another video will jog your memory."

I shake my head fiercely, knowing that will mean another injection and another day of confusion, but he just chuckles softly and I am put back in the chair.

When I am injected this time, something is different. It feels worse than it has before. Clearly they have upped the dosage of whatever they've been shooting into my arm. When the video turns on this time, it plays the finale of the first Games. I shudder, remembering the horrible mutts that chased us up the Cornucopia. The video starts off normal, then I feel the injection start to kick in.

Suddenly the screen changes, it seems darker, the mutts seem bigger. Peeta ends up beating me to the Cornucopia, which I don't remember happening. He pulls himself up but when I reach up for help he just stares at me. I shake my head watching this because I know that's not how it happened. But even as I tell myself that, the doubt starts to creep back in. It seems so real though. The mutts are catching up to me now and I am screaming at Peeta for help but he just glares at me from the top of the Cornucopia, not even making a move in my direction.

"Turn it off!" I shout at Snow, "Please!" I thrash against my restraints, trying to pull myself out of the chair but they won't budge. I close my eyes tightly, trying to block out the new memory forming in my head. I can't stop it though, and it solidifies in my head convincing me of its reality. Snow finally turns off the TV and I am forced to stand up. I am sobbing now, trying to force this new memory out of my head. That couldn't have been how it really happened. But there is a voice in the back of my head convincing me that it was real, which makes me cry harder.

"Enough." Snow says loudly, "You are now going to report to a new prep team. In an hour you will be giving an interview with Caesar Flickerman and if you don't convince everyone in this country that you are on our side and that a cease-fire is the only way out I don't think you will be too happy with the consequences. Understand?"

I nod without saying anything. I have never been more scared of Snow than I am right now. I know he takes pleasure in this, I can see it in his eyes. And that makes him more sadistic and more despicable than any other human being I've met. But I have no choice but to listen to him.

* * *

An hour later, I am prepped and ready to go onstage. The prep team did a pretty good job of hiding the fact that my eyes are still swollen and puffy. It's more obvious now though how little I've eaten.

I am sent onstage to thunderous applause from the Capital citizens and I sit in a char next to Caesar.

"So Katniss, I have to ask you," Caesar starts, "Are you still convinced that a cease-fire is the only way to go?"

I barely hear what he says, I can still feel the injection racing through my body sending it in and out of focus. I feel as though I might throw up any minute but I have to hold it together. I swallow hard, "Yes Caesar. I don't think the rebels have the capability to take over the Capital. If they really want to save lives, they should put down their weapons now."

"And you say this even though your own District is taking refuge in District 13?" Caesar asks.

I laugh softly, "You mean what's left of my District? That's exactly what I'm talking about. So many have died already. We can't afford to lose even more."

"How do you feel now that you know some of your fellow Victors are safe in 13 and that they were in on this all along?"

"Betrayed." I say immediately, "I just think that they should have told me. If they wanted me to be safe then they should have told me what was going on."

"Do you regret trusting them?" Caesar asks.

I nod, "Yeah, I thought they were on my side but they were lying to me the whole time."

"Do you have anything to say to Peeta if he is watching in District 13?" Caesar asks.

I immediately tense up at the sound of his name. I struggle with what to say before I blurt out, "I wish he had been honest with me. That's all."

Caesar thanks me and I barely make it back to my cell before I burst into tears. I went into that interview thinking I was going to lie my way through it but most of what I said was true. I do feel betrayed, by Peeta more than anyone. The videos I've been watching have only reinforced the fact that I never should have trusted him. Caesar basically told me today that he did know about the rebellion all along. I'm just so confused. I don't understand how he was acting like that all along and I never noticed. Was Snow right? Was he blinding me? If he was then he isn't anymore. Snow is showing me where his true loyalties lie and it breaks my heart that it was never with me.

* * *

**Alright that's it for this chapter. The injections are slowly going up and distorting her memories more and more so the story is going to keep getting darker. I hope you liked this chapter and don't forget to leave a review. I really hope we can get to 4 this chapter! Have a great Labor Day and I will try to update again this week!**

**Here are reviews responses from last chapter:**

**aprilgirl01: Thank you! I'm glad you like the hijacking. I struggled for a while trying to figure out how to write that but I like the way it ended up. Hope you liked this chapter as well:)**

**candyluver88: So glad you are enjoying it! Hope you like this chapter just as much :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, school has been keeping me really busy. It's been a while since I've updated any of my stories so if you do read any of my other stories, the new chapters should be up soon. I will continue trying to update this story every weekend but I might not always get to it so just be patient with me :)**

* * *

In the last couple of weeks Snow has managed to convince me of one thing: Peeta has been against me the whole time. I don't know how I didn't see it before but re-watching the tapes has made it perfectly clear that my safety was never a priority. He tricked me just like he's tricked everyone else in Panem. This realization is tearing me apart with every new tape that is implanted into my memory. In the last year and a half I've believed every word he said to me, never doubting that he was acting in my best interest. I was convinced that I was the bad guy in our relationship. That I was the one deceiving him throughout the first games. The guilt of doing that to him killed me for months. And I hate him for that. Now I've come to my senses and I've realized that the whole time he was the one deceiving me.

The only thing holding me together right now, keeping me from just giving up, is the fact that there is a small chance my family is still alive in District 13. Snow told me that 90% of my district's population is dead but he didn't specifically tell me my family was among them. I think that if they had died, he would have taken the opportunity to tell me, to watch me fall apart all over again. But he said nothing, and that gives me hope. I think that as he realizes I am slowly converting to his side, he is becoming more slack with the release of information. He knows that I am no longer trying to protect Peeta as I was in the beginning. Now he has no motive to keep any of this information a secret because there is nothing I would be able to do with it.

After today's video, Snow doesn't immediately dismiss me to my room. He keeps me in my chair a little while longer so he can question me on my current opinions. He does that every week or two to see if I am yet fully on his side or fully off Peeta's side.

"What do you think?" he asks.

I shrug, "Of what?" Today they showed me some propaganda spots that Peeta has been making with the rebels. They went to District 8 and ended up drawing hovercrafts in to bomb innocent people in a hospital. And as it was happening, Peeta just looked on and did nothing. Snow told me that everyone in the hospital had died.

"Of Peeta and his most recent actions against you." Snow responds.

My fist involuntarily clenches up at the sound of Peeta's name and I feel my face get hot with anger, "It's nothing new." I say shortly.

"Does it make you angry. Knowing that he is safe in District 13, being protected, taking your place as the leader-"

"Stop it!" I scream at him, "I know who he is now! I don't need any more of these videos!" I slump back down in my seat and put my head in my hands, "I shouldn't have saved him in the Games. I should have let him die like he was supposed to."

Snow smiles. That's what he wanted to hear, "So you do want him dead." I don't say anything. Snow continues, "Well, then you will be happy to learn of our plans for tonight."

"Our plans?" I ask in confusion, "Am I going somewhere." I say a bit sarcastically.

"Well you will be doing an interview with Caesar tonight but once that interview concludes, District 13 will be bombed. And, with any luck, we will manage to wipe out Peeta Mellark just as you want."

I furrow my eyebrows, it that really what I want. For a moment I feel a shred of doubt but then the anger sweeps back in and extinguishes it. I nod at Snow, "So can I go get ready now? For the interview?"

With a sweep of his hand Snow dismisses me and I am led back to a prep room.

* * *

After a brief intro by Snow, he directs it to me. I am again supposed to talk about the now dire need for a cease-fire. I've been struggling with my most recent piece of information though. I do want Peeta dead. That would be better for all of us. But does that mean I want the rest of 13 dead as well? I can't help but think of my family and my hope that they are alive there. I am holding on to something that could be instrumental in either their life or their death. Do I really just want to sit back and do nothing?

I am snapped out of my thoughts by Caesar as he directs my attention to the map of the districts. I talk in a bland tone about the disastrous things the rebels are doing in every district, including the bombing in 8. I know I am not being very convincing and Snow will probably punish me for it later but I don't care. Im too caught up in thinking about what to do about the bombing.

Suddenly I hear gasps from the audience and Snow stands up, his contorting with anger. I glance up at the monitor and see that I am no longer on television. Instead, it is Peeta standing in District 8. Seeing him causes me to tense up as it brings forward a rush of memories.

He deserves to die. I should stay silent.

But what about my family? I can't put them at risk.

Then I am back onscreen. I stumble back into my speech as quickly as possible, my mind still racing.

Then I'm gone again and Finnick is onscreen. This makes me confused all over again. Finnick never did anything to betray me as bad as Peeta did. Does he deserve to die too? I don't think so. But what do I do about it?

Then the monitor goes dead and the Capital seal comes up. I stand up ready to do something, anything, but Snow motions for me to sit back down. In a couple of seconds the camera is back on me and Caesar is talking to me again, "Katniss, after seeing that, do you have any parting words for Peeta?"

I stumble over my thoughts for a minute before saying, "No matter how hard you try to fight this, all you will end up doing is hurting people. No one is safe now. Not here in the Capital, clearly not out in the Districts." And then I make a decision and without stopping to think about it I blurt, "Even you out in 13. You'll be dead by morning."

"End it!" Snow shouts. The camera cuts away from me quickly and I feel something strike me, hard, in the back of the head sending me crashing to the ground.

Everything goes black.

* * *

When I come to I am laying in my cell with a piercing headache. I touch the back of my head and my hand comes away with blood. I guess they didn't bother to treat that before they threw me in my cell. I remember the bombs and suddenly spring to my feet. Did I warn them in time? Were they even able to do anything about it? I am struggling because on the one hand I wouldn't mind if Peeta died but on the other hand, if my family died, I would be devastated. Eventually I accept that there is nothing I can do about it now and I sit down with my head in my hands.

A few minutes later I hear gunshots and I spring back to my feet. I feel woozy immediately but I don't know why. The dizziness knocks me to my knees and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. More gunshots. Then I hear a loud bang and my room is filled with smoke. Someone runs in wearing a Peacekeeper uniform. He picks me up and quickly hoists me over his shoulder. I want to protest but I can't move. I want to close my eyes but I force myself to stay awake. The man runs out into the hallway outside my cell takes off. I hear him yell to another Peacekeeper as he runs past. More gunshots. Eventually we make it out onto a landing strip and we are frozen in place on a ladder.

Once we are up in the hovercraft. The man slumps to the floor, lays me on the ground next to him, and pulls his helmet off.

"Gale?" I ask weakly.

He smiles at me, "Hey Catnip. We got you out. You're going to be ok, I promise."

I try to speak back but the drugs take over my body and I pass out once again

* * *

**Alright this chapter is a little shorter than the rest but it was probably my favorite to write. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Don't forget to leave a review, no matter how short :)**

**Here are responses from last chapter: **

**aprilgirl01: Thank you! I'm glad you are able to empathize with my story and I hope other readers are able to do the same. Thanks for reviewing!**

**candyluver88: Of course! I will always respond to reviews :) Hope you like this chapter as well!**


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